Compared with Ning Anmiao's solemn expression, Lu Yan looked calm, as if the content in the examination report had nothing to do with him.
Ning Anmiao looked up, her eyes complicated as she stared at Lu Yan in front of her. His eyes reflected her figure.
After a long while, she said with difficulty, "Emotional expression deficit..."
"Emotional expression deficit syndrome," Lu Yan finished the professional term she hadn't said, his tone very calm.
Ning Anmiao was stunned.
She wasn't a psychologist, so naturally she didn't understand this high - level psychological disorder term. But from the literal meaning, it seemed to mean a lack of something.
Seeing Ning Anmiao looking blank, Lu Yan didn't mind. He raised his hand to wipe the corner of his mouth and said, "When I was fifteen, there was a stray cat downstairs in my house. I often fed it for about two or three years."
"Later, I watched it get run over by a big truck with my own eyes. I didn't have any emotional fluctuations. I didn't even cry or make a fuss. But when I got home, I had a high fever and was seriously ill."
"My mom took me to the hospital for an examination. Eventually, I was diagnosed with emotional expression deficit. I have difficulty expressing my inner emotions and even communicating with the outside world."
Listening to his recollection, Ning Anmiao's heart pounded. Just hearing him calmly tell the story of his cat being run over by a truck made her feel terrified.
But Lu Yan was very calm.
She could feel that when he was a child, Lu Yan must have loved that cat very much. And when the cat had an accident, he must have been very painful.
But his calm tone made it seem like he was talking about something that had nothing to do with him.
"Why didn't you tell me about this before..."
"There's no need to mention it," Lu Yan lowered his eyes. "I don't think it affects my life."
For him, whether his emotions were rich or not didn't seem important.
That was why he could remain calm in any situation and make the most correct and rational judgments compared to most ordinary people.
He was highly intelligent, and with perfect emotional control, he had been an outstanding and enviable figure since his school days.
He always ranked among the top in school during his student years. He could calmly accept his shameful identity as an illegitimate child. After taking over the Lu family, he was decisive and ruthless, turning from a "puppet heir" into the legitimate head of the Lu family...
His world was undoubtedly perfect and outstanding.
But at the same time, it was also lonely.
Ning Anmiao bit her lips. For a moment, she couldn't imagine how Lu Yan had gotten through all these years.
When something happy happened, he wouldn't be excited or happy. When something sad happened, he wouldn't be sad or cry...
She remembered that once when she was cooking, she accidentally cut her finger and whined for a long time. In the end, she was coaxed in Lu Yan's arms.
Lu Yan's emotional expression was too monotonous, which made his world gray and dull.
While she was a delicate girl with her emotions always on display, rich and vivid.
Ning Anmiao was silent for a long time.
"Then, you must have had a hard time all these years."
Ning Anmiao didn't know what words of comfort to say.
She knew that there was no such thing as true empathy in this world.
She couldn't truly understand Lu Yan's years of forbearance and pain, and she couldn't casually say some useless words of comfort.
Lu Yan lowered his head, smiled slightly, and changed the topic. "The food is getting cold. Can you continue to feed me?"
"Oh, okay." Ning Anmiao came back to her senses, nodded, and picked up the bowl beside her again.
After dinner, Ning Anmiao still looked preoccupied.
Lu Yan, as usual, lay flat on the bed again, closed his eyes, and seemed to be resting.
Ning Anmiao couldn't fall asleep. She secretly took out her phone and started searching for relevant terms about "emotional expression deficit disorder" on the search engine.
Looking at the content, Ning Anmiao's fingers trembled.
Patients with emotional expression deficit disorder will be in a long - term state of low mood and solitude. They will also always be in a negative and pessimistic state. They often show a cold attitude, can't care about others, and it's even harder for them to experience happiness.
Seeing the last sentence, Ning Anmiao's heart sank. She felt a kind of indescribable oppression and heaviness.
Unable to experience happiness...
She didn't know what kind of terminal illness this was that could directly deprive a person of the right to happiness.
She took a few deep breaths, but her chest still felt sour and painful, and she could hardly breathe.
As the old saying goes, the crying child gets the milk.
But in Lu Yan's nearly thirty - year life journey, he not only rarely cried but also couldn't express other emotions.
When everyone around him had high expectations for what he did, no one asked him if he was tired or unhappy.
It seemed that successful people like him didn't need to be "emotional."
At the same time, some scattered memories suddenly rushed into her mind.
On the night when she proposed a divorce, Lu Yan remained silent and didn't give any explanation, which made her think that he didn't care about this marriage at all. But she didn't notice that Lu Yan, who never smoked at home, smoked a whole cigarette in the bedroom.
Not long ago, when she was crying sadly because of her parents' matter, Lu Yan joked that he rarely cried and wanted to see what she looked like when she cried.
She thought he was joking, but unexpectedly he was serious.
He really had never cried.
If Lu Yan hadn't shown her that examination report, she might have always thought that Lu Yan was cold and indifferent to everything.
But...
She felt a little shaken in her heart.
She scrolled down to find the treatment method.
"Patients with emotional expression deficit disorder often have no desire for treatment. The defective personality disorder makes them negative about everything, so it's very difficult to cure them."
"The only treatment method is for relatives and friends to care more about the patients, try to communicate and express more with them, so as to relieve the condition."
...
They stayed in the hospital for another two or three days. When Lu Yan's body had recovered almost, they went through the discharge procedures and returned home.
They hadn't lived at home for more than a week, and the house seemed empty, monotonous, and cold.
The two of them cleaned the house together and then went to the supermarket to buy some groceries. Only then did the house finally have a bit of the feeling of a home.
During dinner, Lu Yan casually asked, "I heard that the Design Gold Award is only awarded once every six years?"
Mentioning this, Ning Anmiao perked up and straightened her back. "Yes, it's a very prestigious award in the design circle."
"I've been preparing for this award for five years."
Since she learned about this award five years ago, Ning Anmiao had secretly made up her mind that she must win this laurels in her lifetime.
This was a proof of her ability and also an acknowledgment of her design talent.
"If my dad saw me win this award, he would surely accept my choice."