"At first, the servants only felt that my room was colder than other places and didn't notice anything unusual." Zhong Shengwan ignored everything around him and continued, a hint of recollection curving his lips. "We were about the same age back then. Yuan Yuan was only a month older than me. We had no playmates and got along well as companions..."
In that gray childhood filled with strict schoolwork, this "friend" known to no one else was Zhong Shengwan's only comfort.
They would always hide in corners where no one noticed and play the simplest games. Yuan Yuan liked playing house, while Zhong Shengwan preferred hide - and - seek.
Zhong Shengwan was a bit awkward as a child and wasn't good at accommodating others. Yuan Yuan, considering himself a month older and thus an elder brother, always gave in to him and accompanied Zhong Shengwan in playing hide - and - seek.
They used to talk all night long, sharing their hopes and dreams. They also hooked their little fingers and promised to be good friends for a lifetime.
However, time never stops for anyone.
As Zhong Shengwan grew older year by year, his mind matured and the world he encountered became broader.
He entered school, met all kinds of companions, and his experience and vision improved.
As a spiritual entity, Yuan Yuan would never grow up and would always remain in his innocent childhood. He tirelessly said the same things and played the same games with Zhong Shengwan.
One year, two years, three years... Their relationship fell apart in the seventh year.
By then, Zhong Shengwan had transformed into a handsome young man, and the responsibilities of the Zhong's Xuanmen and the expectations of his family gradually weighed on his shoulders.
"Even the most fun game would become boring after being repeated for seven years." Zhong Shengwan's voice was calm, but a flicker of grief flashed across his eyes. "I spent less and less time with Yuan Yuan, and my responses became perfunctory."
Before he knew it, he no longer confided his feelings to Yuan Yuan.
Although Yuan Yuan was a ghost, his spiritual entity was pure due to his young age, and he was most sensitive to emotional changes.
It seemed to sense Zhong Shengwan's estrangement, so it appeared less and less often. It would often just stay quietly in the corner of the room, silently watching Zhong Shengwan bending over to draw talismans with his brow furrowed deeper and deeper...
"Until one time, it seemed to want to save our friendship. It pulled me as usual, wanting to play hide - and - seek. I was upset and just wanted to be alone, so I casually replied, 'Okay, you hide. I'll come find you after I'm done.' "
It hid, hiding extremely seriously, looking forward to its friend finding it just like in the countless times before.
"And I..." Zhong Shengwan closed his eyes, his Adam's apple rolling. "I didn't go looking for it."
On that day, Zhong Shengwan was immersed in his schoolwork and troubles and completely forgot about it.
It was more than ten days later when he finally remembered.
"I searched everywhere it might be hiding, but I could never find it again..."
The room fell into a dead silence, only the heavy stillness remaining.
Zhong Shengwan's tone was so calm that it was almost indifferent, but somehow it made people feel extremely sad.
"At first, I even thought... this was for the best." He confessed, his tone brutally honest. "I could finally be completely quiet. But as days passed, the room got colder and colder. I then realized that Yuan Yuan didn't leave; it just refused to see me because it resented me. I finally realized that I might have done something wrong..."
"I've tried many ways to call it out, like asking the spirits and burning incense... but all I could feel was its strong hatred." Zhong Shengwan unconsciously tightened his grip on his sleeve. "I'm afraid of all the ghosts in the world, but I was never afraid of Yuan Yuan. But now, I feel so guilty that I've started to fear it... In recent years, in the middle of the night when I'm half - asleep, I often hear its crying. Every time I wake up, I dare not fall asleep again and just sit alone until dawn."
Shen Cuiyu looked up at Zhong Shengwan. Even if he didn't say anything, she could guess that Zhong Shengwan must have tried to use his spiritual power to exorcise Yuan Yuan more than once but failed in the end.
Among all the ghosts, the obsessions of child spirits are the purest and the most stubborn. It was Zhong Shengwan who led it into his home and promised to be its lifelong friend.
His subsequent estrangement and forgetting were no less than a complete betrayal to this pure - as - paper child spirit.
Their love and hate are so distinct, black and white.
Year after year, the unresolved obsession and resentment not only didn't dissipate but grew like a snowball. Until a few days ago, its extreme coldness finally broke through all the covers and alerted the senior and highly - skilled elders in the mansion.
"So, my father found out. He wrote to call me back home just for this matter." Zhong Shengwan raised his eyes, his eyes filled with indissoluble bitterness and self - blame. "He was furious and scolded me for hiding a ghost privately as the legitimate son of the Zhong family, desecrating the family rules. He even used the family punishment... This is what you've seen."
Shen Cuiyu was silent for a moment and then asked softly, "So, that day in the Kuailü Pavilion, when you said you had no friends, was it because you couldn't get over the knot in your heart about Yuan Yuan?"
Zhong Shengwan remained silent, which was a silent admission.
After a long time, he finally raised his face, a bit afraid to meet the gazes of the three people in front of him.
"I let down my old friend and broke my promise. How can a despicable person like me have the face to make friends again? Anyway, you all know now..." Zhong Shengwan forced out a self - mocking sneer. "What Gentleman of Xunyang, what the light of the Xuanmen, it's all bullshit." He rarely swore and then closed his eyes resignedly. "I'm so rotten inside. If you want to scold me, just do it."
The room fell into another long silence, so long that Zhong Shengwan almost thought time had frozen.
He hesitantly lifted his eyelids - did they dislike him so much that they didn't even want to say a word to him?
But he saw that Dongfang Xiao had silently taken out his portable magic tool and was carefully wiping it; Shen Cuiyu was pacing in the room, her sharp eyes scanning everywhere to observe the flow of the resentful qi; even Pei Yu had poured two cups of tea at some point. He drank one himself and pushed the other in front of Zhong Shengwan.
Zhong Shengwan:......?
"You... you all..."
"Xiaowan," Shen Cuiyu said calmly, "this is not your fault, nor Yuan Yuan's. Humans and ghosts belong to different worlds, and it was a fateful encounter that couldn't be forced. They met when the fate began, but were reluctant to let go when the fate ended. If we have to blame someone, blame time for playing tricks on us."
Zhong Shengwan was slightly stunned. The frozen corner of his heart was quietly opened by these calm words, and a sour warmth and gratitude welled up inside him.
Shen Cuiyu was always like this. Even the biggest things seemed like silk threads that could be easily sorted out in her hands, without a trace of impatience.
She would gently accept all the twists and turns and regrets that had happened, and then calmly look for a solution.
Of course, it would be better if Shen Cuiyu didn't call him such strange nicknames like "a small bowl and a big basin"...