On a rainy day, few people come to visit the graves.
Tan Linyuan suspected it was her. So he took a few steps closer. When he was sure that the figure holding an umbrella was Nan Yu, he stopped in his tracks.
He had thought that Nan Yu would come to visit her parents before leaving Jingbei.
But he never expected that she would choose the same day as him so coincidentally.
So he turned around directly and got back into the car.
Covered and shielded by the rain curtain, Nan Yu, who was coming out of the cemetery, didn't notice him.
He didn't get out of the car again until Nan Yu had left.
He had accompanied Nan Yu here once before. Even earlier, when Nan's parents were buried, he had also been here.
He stopped in front of the tombstone and watched the rain washing over the stone slab.
The bunch of white flowers had just been placed there by Nan Yu. The petals were still very fresh.
But they were dampened by the rain and tilted a little.
He bent down and straightened the flowers.
Tan Linyuan stared at the smiling faces of the two elders on the tombstone and closed his eyes.
He said softly in his heart: I'm sorry.
Sorry for failing to take good care of your daughter.
Sorry for failing to make Nan Yu happy.
Sorry for making her so heart - broken.
If possible, he really wanted to hold Nan Yu's hand and make a witness in front of the two elders.
But this was a delusion that he no longer dared to expect.
...
Due to the rain, the originally scheduled ceremony of conversion was postponed to three days later.
This day was a rare sunny day.
The conversion ceremony was very grand. All the pilgrims in Jiangcheng who believed in Buddhism had heard about it.
Some people rumored that after this conversion ceremony, Tan Linyuan would go into seclusion for a long time.
And after his seclusion, he would truly become the living Buddha that people talked about.
From then on, he would be gilded with a divine aura.
On this day, Changuang Temple was crowded with people.
There was only one reason: they all came to watch the conversion ceremony.
Nan Yu naturally went there too.
She had no intention of watching the grand ceremony, nor did she care whether one could really become a Buddha.
She just wanted to see him one more time.
Just one more time.
The incense in Changuang Temple was particularly strong today.
The blue smoke in front of the incense burner was so thick that it almost blocked people's sight.
She stood in a corner of the crowd. Like all the pilgrims, she looked up at the main hall, trying to catch a glimpse of what was going on inside.
But she couldn't see anything.
She could only inch forward with the crowd. Like the pilgrims around her, she put her hands together in prayer.
Others were praying for good fortune and health.
All her thoughts were full of selfish desires.
Finally, she saw him - finally saw the person in the Buddha hall.
He stood upright, wearing Buddhist robes, as if he had nothing to do with the mortal world.
The Buddhist scriptures and the sound of the bell never stopped. Everyone was in awe of the light at this moment.
It was said that in this way, one could be blessed with the afterglow of the Buddha and obtain the happiness of salvation.
Nan Yu just stubbornly stared at that back.
She stared until her eyes ached and her cheeks were sore, but she didn't dare to blink.
This was not the first time.
He was so far away, as far away as the sun in the sky.
She had once had him for a while.
Now, she had to let him go back to the sky, to love all sentient beings, to love everything.
But he could no longer love her.
As she thought about it, a tear rolled down her cheek.
She couldn't control herself and covered her face, but the tears flowed out through her fingers and down her arms.
A girl next to her noticed her and whispered, "Are you too excited?"
Nan Yu shook her head and then nodded.
"You should be excited. After all, he is the Buddha of our Jiangcheng." The girl whispered, "I was lucky before. He helped me pray, and my wish came true."
"To be honest, he might really be a god."
Nan Yu remained silent.
Of course he was a god.
Only a god could be so calm.
The ceremony lasted almost the whole day.
It was almost afternoon when the ceremony ended. Most of the pilgrims had left.
Nan Yu didn't leave. She wandered around in Changuang Temple.
She waited and waited until it got dark.
Nan Yu sat alone under the eaves, quietly watching the group of monks surrounding Tan Linyuan.
Staying with him, she could feel at peace.
Until she saw Tan Linyuan getting up.
Suddenly, she panicked. She stumbled and wanted to follow him, but was stopped by a young monk.
"Benefactor, our temple is going to close. Please go back."
Nan Yu saw that it was the same young monk as before.
She was a bit anxious. Pointing at Tan Linyuan in front, she whispered, "I want to see him."
"I'm afraid that's not possible." The young monk looked embarrassed. "Senior brother has now converted to Buddhism. From now on, he will go into seclusion and cannot have contact with pilgrims."
"I'm not..." Nan Yu shook her head, on the verge of crying. "I'm not a pilgrim. I just want to see him."
Just say one more word to him, or even just hear one more word from him.
The young monk hesitated.
Actually, he knew a bit about the love - hate relationship between his senior brother and this girl in front of him.
But precisely because he knew, he couldn't be soft - hearted.
"Benefactor, senior brother has become a Buddhist. He has no intention of getting entangled in the mundane affairs of his past life. You - please go back."
The refusal in these words was obvious.
Moreover, Nan Yu could tell that this was not only the young monk's intention, but also Tan Linyuan's.
Just like that day, he was driving her away.
Nan Yu lowered her head and stopped asking. She just said softly, "I'll stay alone for a while and then leave."
The young monk sighed, said "Amitabha", and then turned away.
Nan Yu sat on the original steps, clenching her hands tightly. Her tears had blurred her vision.
She couldn't cry because no one would wipe away her tears anymore.
But this separation was so painful.
There were only the chanting of the monks and the occasional sound of the bell in the temple.
She didn't make a sound, but her shoulders trembled violently.
I don't know how long it had passed. She heard footsteps approaching little by little in her ear.
Nan Yu immediately raised her hand and wiped her eyes. She quickly said, "I'll leave now. I'll leave right away..."
She thought it was the young monk coming to urge her to leave.
But when she looked up, she saw the face she had been longing for day and night.
His tall figure stood in front of her. His eyebrows were calm, and there was only a faint coldness and indifference in his eyes.
At the moment she saw him, the tears that Nan Yu had managed to hold back welled up again.
She opened her mouth, but in the end, she didn't say a word.
It was his familiar voice: "Go back."
Three words, without any extra emotion, just an exhortation to her.
She gritted her teeth, forced the tears back into her eyes, and swallowed hard. "I just want to make one last request."
Tan Linyuan stared at her, speechless.
Nan Yu took a deep breath, trying hard not to sob. Then she enunciated clearly, "I want, I want to hear 'I love you' one more time."
The temple was very quiet.
The other monks had returned to their meditation rooms. There were only the two of them under the main hall.
Turning back, there was the Buddha statue.
Tan Linyuan held his breath. Looking at her tear - stained face, after a moment, he said in a slightly hoarse voice, "Benefactor, please go back."
He couldn't say it anymore.
Those three words were like a taboo. Once spoken, they would bring disaster to her.
Nan Yu was stunned. With tears still on her face, she forced a smile. "Didn't you say that you would always say 'I love you' to me in the future?"
Her emotions were on the verge of collapse, as if she would disappear with the wind the next second.
Up to now, she didn't try to keep him, nor did she ask if they could start over.
She just wanted to hear "I love you" one more time.
"It's cold at night. Go back early." After Tan Linyuan said this, he was about to turn away.
Nan Yu's heart tightened. She staggered forward and grabbed his sleeve. "Tan -"
The other person quickly shook off her hand forcefully.
As if she was some kind of monster that couldn't be touched.
Nan Yu was caught off guard. She almost fell when she lost her balance.
Tan Linyuan remained unmoved. He just stared into her eyes and watched her cry.
Nan Yu cried and said, "Why?"
There was no need for so many whys.
Tan Linyuan looked into her eyes and sighed.
He opened his lips and said in a cold tone, "Didn't I tell you a long time ago that I can't love you?"