After Tan Linyuan finished speaking, the car fell into silence.
Nan Yu felt inexplicably anxious. She hesitated for a few seconds and then softly said, "I'd like to think it over."
Tan Linyuan immediately stepped on the brake by the roadside and turned to look at her.
"Is the plan too tight, or did I miss a certain procedure that made you dissatisfied?"
His immediate self - reflection made Nan Yu's heart clench, and a soft spot in her chest caved in.
No, it wasn't because of these.
She just felt that there was still something missing between her and Tan Linyuan.
The car stopped. Without the sound of the engine and the rolling of the wheels, the environment became even quieter.
It was also easier to clearly hear each other's breathing.
Tan Linyuan stared at her, reading the evasion in her eyes. His gaze gradually dimmed.
Nan Yu wanted to say something to ease the awkwardness. "Actually, I meant to say..."
"Yuyu." Tan Linyuan interrupted, speaking slowly. "I'm a person burdened with heavy sins. For nearly thirty years in the past, I've been atoning every day."
Seeing that she was about to speak again, he said, "You don't have to rush to defend me, because I've believed this for decades and originally intended to believe it forever."
When he mentioned these things, his tone was very calm. "In fact, for me, even without the so - called fate, being alone is the best situation."
Unfettered and desireless.
He was not controlled by anyone, and no one could change him.
His birth took place in a funeral, and he survived carrying his father's hatred for him.
Later, his eldest brother, the only one in the Tan family who loved and cared about him, also died indirectly because of him.
Even without being condemned by thousands of people, he couldn't escape his guilt.
No one loved him, and he didn't deserve to love anyone.
Master Wenjing had told him long ago that his life would be bright and brilliant enough.
But also lonely enough.
He was the lonely and brilliant god.
"I can't affect others' karma, and I must not indulge in desires casually. Otherwise, it will bring disaster to the other person and invite divine retribution."
Tan Linyuan stared into Nan Yu's eyes and softly said, "This was the last words Master Wenjing said before he passed away."
The light in the car was dim. Nan Yu could only see his eyes.
Deep and pitch - black.
A never - before - seen sense of desolation and coldness emanated from the depths.
He heaved a deep sigh, and an ache welled up in his heart. "Yuyu, how can I let you bear such risks?"
If it were himself suffering hardships, he wouldn't be afraid at all.
But if it was Nan Yu, he couldn't do it.
He couldn't bear to let her get even a little hurt or suffer even a little bit.
He didn't even dare to think about how he would live a life full of guilt and self - loathing if the so - called divine retribution really came true.
"But you've already broken the precept." Nan Yu was stunned for a couple of seconds and then said in a low voice.
Tan Linyuan replied, "Yes, I know."
At first, he just wanted to use his status to seek protection for her.
He thought he could control it.
But the truth proved that she was the only splash of color in his life. Once he grasped it, he didn't want to let go.
Just like a blind person seeing a rainbow once or a deaf person hearing the chirping of birds.
All he could think about was getting more.
The line between a god and a demon was just a thought away.
"I know this is very selfish. I should be more rational and sober, let you retreat unscathed, and not get trapped in my predicament."
Listening to his voice, Nan Yu's hands involuntarily curled up.
Tan Linyuan calmly continued, "Because if I were to watch the person I love suffer, it would be more torturous than spending my whole life alone."
Nan Yu's voice trembled slightly. "What did you say?"
"I said I love you. I've loved you for a long time."
He lowered his eyes as if resigned, his voice hoarse. "I fell in love with you at first sight."
Nan Yu's breath caught for a moment.
She felt a sharp buzzing in her ears.
It was as if all the colors, sounds, and smells around had disappeared, and the only thing in her eyes was the person in front of her.
He said, I love you.
I've loved you for a long time.
I fell in love with you at first sight.
"When?" Nan Yu asked him, her lips trembling uncontrollably. "When we first met?"
"Even earlier."
"As a child?" Nan Yu vaguely guessed something.
"Sort of." He looked a bit dejected. "But you don't remember, and there's no need to mention it anymore."
Nan Yu couldn't help but laugh, but there were tears in her eyes. "I wasn't an adult then, was I?"
"But I was an adult at that time." Tan Linyuan's eyes were deep. "Moreover, you even dragged me to swear in front of the mountain god."
You swore to be Brother Tan's bride when you grew up.
That carefree little thing didn't remember at all.
He took a deep breath, feeling that the topic was a bit off - track. "Nan Yu, I hope you can be safe, healthy, and happy. This is more important than the so - called 'I love you'."
He lowered his head and looked at the pinky ring on his hand.
Nan Yu followed his gaze.
"I actually never thought... that I could get married and have children like an ordinary man and live a life recognized by the mundane world."
Someone built a high platform and piled up a Buddha statue for him. He should have become a Buddha.
It was both a blessing and a curse.
It prevented him from experiencing the happiness and fulfillment in the mundane sense.
"But you were pregnant, which gave me a glimmer of hope. I always felt that fate still favored me."
He smiled serenely. "Especially when the doctor said the baby would be healthy."
"But it's only been less than a month, and it's just a tiny cell..." Nan Yu whispered.
"That's enough. Since you've both managed to appear in front of me, the rest should be left to me."
By "you both", he meant Nan Yu and this unformed child.
He let out a sigh of relief and held out his palm to Nan Yu. "Just let me be selfish. Would you like to give it a try?"
Try to fight against fate with him.
When he said this, his expression was not as calm as it seemed.
That seemingly steady hand was trembling slightly, unnoticed by others.
He was waiting for Nan Yu's answer.
Waiting for her judgment and reply.
Nan Yu stared at his palm for a long time before softly saying, "You made a mistake just now. I don't agree."
"What?" Tan Linyuan's expression became a bit solemn.
Nan Yu reached out, took off the pinky ring, and gently put it on her ring finger.
She placed her hand in his palm. "Your 'I love you' is the most important thing among all things."
Love could transcend life and death and defy fate.
Tan Linyuan tightened his fingers, enclosing her hand in his palm. He lowered his head and gently kissed the back of her hand.
Nan Yu let out a laugh. "I've said before that I don't believe in Buddha."
"I don't believe in gods, ghosts, or any so - called sins and divine retribution. Only what is beneficial to me is the will of heaven."
Before this conversation, Nan Yu's mind had been in a mess.
The cause of her parents' death, her father's relics, and the truth about the Nan family were all unsolved.
And then there was the sudden unexpected pregnancy, Tan Linyuan and Qu Jiaran's long - announced divorce, Tan Linyuan's preparation of a wedding for her, and the upcoming birth of the child...
Walking into a new stage so muddle - headedly, it was natural for her to feel anxious and worried.
But now, she had a new belief.
If from now on, Tan Linyuan would be with her, and the two of them would face the unknown reality together, they would surely turn bad luck into good and find a way out of a desperate situation.
She didn't believe in divine retribution, sins, ghosts, or theism.
She only believed in him.
Believed that he loved her.