Nan Yu gritted her teeth and uttered those words as if she were going to her death, "Do you... love me?"
She didn't dare to look up and didn't know how gloomy Tan Linyuan's eyes were at the moment.
After a long silence.
Tan Linyuan said nothing. He just slowly withdrew his hand that was on the table.
With her head down, Nan Yu felt that the sandalwood scent beside her suddenly faded and drifted away.
His voice was cold, as if it came from afar. "I've said that as long as you need it, I can give it to you."
"But loving someone is something I can't do."
It was an answer she had expected, but it still made her feel desolate.
It was like the land suddenly became barren.
He said he couldn't love her.
He left before finishing his meal.
Tan Linyuan walked away resolutely.
When he reached the door of Ye Nanwan's place, he paused for a moment and looked back.
The light in the room was still on, and there was a silhouette of a woman in front of the window.
Alone.
A flicker of pain flashed across his eyes. He quickly turned his head back and yanked open the car door.
He stepped on the accelerator hard. He didn't know how many turns he took before he finally stopped and hit the brakes.
The headlights of a speeding car outside flashed in his eyes, forcing him to close his eyes for a moment.
He leaned back against the seat and covered his eyes with the back of his hand.
He didn't have the habit of smoking, but at this moment, he desperately wanted to find solace in some bad habit.
Unfortunately, he was too self - disciplined.
That was why when his mind wavered, the only thing he could do was to meditate and chant scriptures.
But his master never taught him how to achieve self - harmony when even meditation and chanting couldn't calm his mind.
Since he was sent to Changuang Temple at the age of five to practice with Master Wenjing, he had accepted his fate.
He couldn't say that he was always clear - headed and just, but at least he could live with a clear conscience and stand up to scrutiny.
Master Wenjing had given him countless exhortations and teachings.
He taught him to look down on the mundane world, to use himself as a mirror, and to abstain from greed.
He thought that his help to Nan Yu was just a momentary impulse, a desire to bring a perfect end to a past cause.
But he never thought that one day she would stand in front of him and ask if he loved her.
He never thought that he would be unable to answer this question.
His Buddhist heart had long been in turmoil.
How could he love her?
How could he be worthy of loving her?
She was a goddess.
While he was a sinner.
---
As days passed by, Qu Jiaran's wedding was being prepared step by step.
Nan Yu found time to visit her in the hospital. She was still lively and smiling, and it was hard to tell that she was ill.
But the most obvious thing was that her spirit was waning. Every time Nan Yu went, she was sleeping.
Nan Yu accidentally heard the doctor's advice. It roughly said that the recent test results were not optimistic, and the values of her various organs were declining.
If it continued like this, her heart failure would become more and more serious until her heart stopped beating.
Nan Yu asked her if she wanted to try surgery.
"I'll wait until after the wedding," Qu Jiaran winked at Nan Yu. "I don't want to die on the operating table before I marry Linyuan."
Looking at her curved eyes, Nan Yu felt a sense of melancholy and loss that was hard to describe.
Watching a vibrant life decline right before her eyes, she could do nothing but stand by.
Because Qu Jiaran's physical condition was getting worse, the doctor no longer approved her to go out. She felt regretful that she couldn't pick out a suitable bridesmaid dress for Nan Yu.
Nan Yu said there was no need for a special selection. Just picking a suitable dress would do.
After all, this was Qu Jiaran's wedding.
Except for her own needs, everything else could be kept simple.
Qu Jiaran rolled her eyes and said slyly, "Then I'll just pick one for you casually. You must wear it then."
Nan Yu didn't think much and nodded in agreement.
---
After all, a wedding was a joyous occasion, so it couldn't be held in the hospital.
After the last check - up, Qu Jiaran checked into the hotel where the wedding would be held the night before.
Of course, she also asked Nan Yu to stay with her in the hotel for one night, sharing the same bed.
She called it the "bachelorette party night".
Before going to bed at night, Qu Jiaran was still trying on clothes in front of the mirror. "Yuyu, do you think I look beautiful in this? Should I wear a hair accessory tomorrow? But it's too heavy. It'll press on my head a bit."
"Both are okay. It depends on what you like," Nan Yu was organizing things. Seeing Qu Jiaran trying on the wedding dress, she suddenly remembered the bridesmaid dress. "Has my bridesmaid dress arrived?"
Qu Jiaran suddenly turned around, as if just remembering, and slapped her head. "Oops, I forgot to choose."
Nan Yu: "..."
She wasn't surprised that Qu Jiaran had forgotten her bridesmaid dress.
Rather, given Qu Jiaran's personality, it would be a miracle if she could remember things other than herself clearly.
She was a very self - centered person and couldn't fit anyone else in her heart.
Oh right, she could fit Tan Linyuan in it.
Nan Yu wasn't in a hurry. She calmly asked, "Then how can I be your bridesmaid tomorrow?"
She didn't mind wearing ordinary clothes on stage, but it would definitely affect the effect of the wedding.
"Yuyu, don't be angry," Qu Jiaran immediately put down the dress, put on a smiling face, and walked up to her, linking her arm. "I'll ask someone to buy it now. It'll definitely be delivered tomorrow morning."
In fact, Nan Yu wasn't angry. Instead, she was relieved.
Fortunately, she had asked in advance. Otherwise, she really wouldn't have known what to do tomorrow.
It was a small thing if she made a fool of herself, but it would be a big thing if she messed up Qu Jiaran's wedding.
Before going to bed, the staff in charge of the wedding process came over and went through the process with them one more time.
True to her character, Qu Jiaran's wedding was very different from the normal process.
"I want to hold my wedding as a masquerade ball. Everyone must wear a mask on their face to enter," she winked playfully. "The mask is the admission ticket for each guest!"
Nan Yu couldn't understand.
If everyone wore a mask, then no one would be able to recognize anyone, right?
Qu Jiaran looked mysterious. "I just want them not to recognize me, so that I'll be full of mystery in their hearts."
Nan Yu: "..."
Although she didn't understand, she respected it.
Before going to bed, Nan Yu watched Qu Jiaran take a handful of pills, and then a doctor came to check on her.
After all the busyness, the two finally lay down.
Nan Yu turned her head and saw that Qu Jiaran on the other side had closed her eyes. Then she got up and turned off the light.
The hotel room was plunged into darkness.
Before Nan Yu could close her eyes, she heard Qu Jiaran ask, "Yuyu, do you know why I must marry Linyuan?"
Nan Yu didn't say a word and waited for her to continue.
Qu Jiaran continued, "Because he saved my life."
Nan Yu had heard her say this before.
Back then, Qu Jiaran was seriously ill. The Qu family searched everywhere for a doctor but couldn't find a cure. Finally, they sent her to the temple, and she gradually recovered thanks to Tan Linyuan's teachings and chanting.
She later found out about this on the Internet. It had really caused quite a stir.
Because it was a positive event, it had also strengthened the public's impression that Tan Linyuan was a reincarnated living Buddha.
Because it was so sensational, many people took their children with incurable diseases to Changuang Temple to burn incense and kowtow in order to seek the blessing of the living Buddha.
But Nan Yu didn't know the specific details.
Since she lost her sight in the darkness, her hearing became extremely sensitive.
Nan Yu clearly heard Qu Jiaran say word by word, "Yuyu, did I never tell you?"
"I was raped before."