"I remember when Donglin first came to my home, my father told me that I could regard him as an elder brother, an apprentice, a younger brother, or a family member, but I must never fall in love with him."
"Why? Did your father look down on me?" Song Yi'an was so anxious that he even forgot to change his form of address.
Li Qiyu didn't notice anything amiss either. She shook her head and said, "It wasn't that he looked down on you. It was just that I couldn't fall for you. My father and his father, one a civil official and the other a military general, were actually brothers who grew up together. Otherwise, our two families wouldn't have been neighbors. But as their influence grew and their prestige in the court became higher, they had more and more things they couldn't help but do, such as the marriages of their children. Since childhood, I've known that I was going to marry a royal noble with little real power. And I also knew that he was definitely going to marry a princess or a county princess. Only in this way could the royal family feel at ease with our fathers."
"But did you ever ask me? Maybe I was willing to take you away. Maybe I was willing to live in seclusion in the mountains with you. Do you know why I'm called Yunhe? Only by being with you can we be a pair of idle clouds and wild cranes. In fact, I've long wanted to take you away from this cage."
Since Song Yi'an had always been speaking in the first - person, Li Qiyu, who was emotionally agitated, also got caught up in all her grievances. She looked at the man in front of her and seemed to really see that little apprentice who had always followed behind her.
At this moment, she poured out all her heartfelt words like pouring out beans.
"Yes, we could leave. I could just leave without a care. But what about our families? Could you bear to leave the prime minister and the prime minister's wife? Well, even if you could, I couldn't. I couldn't bear to leave my father, my elder brother and sister - in - law, and all the brothers of the Li family's army. Yes, the shackles of feudal dogma and the unpredictability of the emperor's heart do seem like a cage in some ways. But this cage is also the place that gave birth to and raised me. It's a cage, but it's also a bird's nest."
These were also the words that Li Qiyu had always wanted to say to Zhou Donglin back then.
Back then, she wasn't sure how much of Zhou Donglin's protection of her was out of brotherly affection and how much was out of love. She didn't even dare to think it was love at that time. She thought that like herself, Zhou Donglin had been taught by their parents since childhood that they could only have family affection, not love. She thought that the two of them had already reached a consensus on this aspect.
Especially when the Li family had an accident and Li Qiyu was completely disheartened, every additional thing Zhou Donglin did was not a comfort to Li Qiyu, but a burden.
The moment she knew that the Li family had been executed to the last member, she didn't want to live anymore.
But there were always some people trying to keep her in this cold world.
Xue Tuan, Xiao Xuan, and even Zhou Donglin.
They didn't know that the more they tried to keep her, the more painful she would be.
Li Qiyu pulled her hand out of Song Yi'an's shocked hands. She stood up and looked at the quiet scenery outside the French window, but her heart was in turmoil.
"Well, you're right to say it's a cage. After I got married, the palace was indeed a cage. In fact, many people have asked me why I married Song Jiaye. My father asked, you asked, and even I asked myself. I'm not a fool. Of course I knew that when Song Jiaye came to propose to me, it was not so much that he fancied me as that he fancied the military amulet in my father's hand. I knew it the first time Song Jiaye came to see me. At that time, I thought he was indeed a suitable husband."
Li Qiyu emphasized the word "suitable" very strongly, and Song Yi'an was already boiling with jealousy.
"Suitable?"
"He was the kind of person I knew I should marry since childhood. Although he was a member of the royal family, his background wasn't very high. And before he ascended the throne, he was just an idle prince. If I married him, the emperor would feel at ease with our Li family, after all, I was marrying his son."
In fact, Li Qiyu's choice was indeed correct. Since Li Qiyu said she was going to marry Song Jiaye, the old emperor had been much nicer to the Li family. Not to mention anything else, the military pay for the Li family's army was given in full on time every month.
"But Song Jiaye proposed to you because he didn't want to be that idle prince." Thinking of the sufferings Li Qiyu had endured after marriage, Song Yi'an felt it wasn't worth it.
He wasn't trying to force Li Qiyu to marry him. He just thought that Song Jiaye was not a good man.
Li Qiyu sighed and said, "You still don't understand politics. If the old emperor just wanted him to be an idle prince, why would he have agreed to our marriage? The old emperor himself had the idea of deposing the crown prince back then. The crown prince was in poor health and unfit for the task. He seemed to want the several princes to compete and show their abilities. This was actually a big gamble. If Song Jiaye lost, it didn't matter. Our Li family could be Song Jiaye's life - saving amulet. If Song Jiaye won, then Song Jiaye could be the Li family's protector. It's just a pity that I underestimated human nature. The life - saving amulet became a death - warrant. I led the Li family into the fire pit."
So, after the Li family died, Li Qiyu felt so guilty.
One wrong step led to another. It was precisely because she had chosen Song Jiaye back then, and had misjudged the person, that the tragedy of the family's destruction had occurred.
At this moment, Song Yi'an finally understood. He lowered his head dejectedly.
"I understand."
She was the only one in his life.
But in her life, besides him, there were also her relatives. And her relatives came before him. For the sake of her relatives, she could choose to give him up and be good friends with him for a lifetime.
Song Yi'an stared blankly at Li Qiyu. Only then did he realize where he had been wrong all along. He had given her everything he thought was good, considerate care, attention, and even blessings. He had always been thinking about taking Li Qiyu away. After Li Qiyu had an accident, he had desperately wanted to tell her that she still had him.
But he had forgotten one thing - although he had grown up in the Li family, he was not a real member of the Li family after all.
He couldn't replace the position of blood relatives in Li Qiyu's heart.
Speaking of which, Li Qiyu felt guilty. How could he not feel guilty? Half of Li Qiyu's tragedy also came from him.
In fact, no matter how reluctant he was, he should have learned to restrain his feelings after Li Qiyu got married back then.
But if one could restrain one's feelings when liking someone, then there wouldn't have been so many things in the previous life.
Thinking of this, Song Yi'an looked up at Li Qiyu. He spoke word by word, with a very serious expression and tone.
First, he apologized and said sincerely, "I'm sorry. I was too hasty and immature before."
After apologizing, his attitude immediately became tough again.
"But I never thought that liking you was a wrong decision."