"Cough, cough…" I spluttered tea and choked, looking up. "Aunt, Uncle, you must be misunderstanding—"
"Misunderstanding what? That you two were smooching in public?" Uncle cut in, as blunt as ever. That one line sent a spray of tea out of my mouth; I ruined whatever dignity I had in one spectacular spit-take.
"It wasn't a kiss— I can't swim, Yuchi helped me up and… helped me get breathing back." The words came out foolish and clumsy. My cheeks warmed as, against my will, the memory of our lips brushing—so fleeting and indistinct—rose like a pulse in my head. It was hazy, but impossibly intoxicating.
Uncle smiled, rose, and took a few steps, hands tucked behind his back. He glanced back at me. "Did your mother never tell you? If you take advantage of someone, you have to take responsibility."
My brain hiccuped. Aunt saw my confusion and laughed, moving to steal a step closer to Uncle. "Enough teasing the child. A sister is a sister, and Xihe is Xihe."
Uncle's smile softened as he put an arm around Aunt and turned back to me. "Very well. Their business is their own. If these two like each other, don't meddle. If only one of them has feelings, we won't force it. They're grown—it's time they decide for themselves."
My heart started pounding, loud and sudden, as if a drum had been set inside my ribs. Aunt leaned against Uncle with a contented sigh. I dropped my gaze. "If there's nothing more, I—I'll take my leave."
"Mm." Uncle nodded.
I bowed quickly and fled. Why on earth did a simple visit to my aunt and uncle have me so tense?
Outside Uncle's residence I let out a long breath. I hadn't taken two steps when Yuchi Cheng caught up to me. He grabbed my hand and ran; only after we'd put some distance between us did he let go and stop, slightly out of breath. "What was that for?" I demanded.
"Xihe," he said, eyes sharp with something like wounded earnestness, "you're not going to deny it, are you?"
He looked so serious I had to look away. He leaned in deliberately and asked, as if testing me, "Why did you run?"
Guilt pricked me; I lied, "I didn't run."
"So what did that mean—" His voice was small, pleading.
"It—meant what it meant." I kept my answer soft.
"Will you be with me?" Yuchi finally asked, gathering his courage. His jaw was taut; you could see his nerves like strings beneath his skin.
I weighed it like anything that mattered. "I'll try," I said at last. "I'll see what being with you is like, learn more about you. But… that doesn't mean I'm promising to marry you. Do you understand?"
The idea might shock some people. Even I had been surprised when Mother first suggested this way of getting to know someone. Yet it reflected my feelings exactly: I was drawn to Yuchi, but not so possessed that I would swear lifelong vows. If I turned him down, I'd be ignoring my own heart; if I accepted him outright, did that mean I'd be binding myself to a fate I hadn't chosen? I couldn't promise that.
He looked puzzled for a moment, then comprehension settled over his features. "All right. Xihe, I get it. Just don't avoid me, that's all."
I hadn't expected him to accept that so easily. My face warmed. "I won't avoid you anymore," I said, and finally met his eyes.
He laughed softly. "You're something else, Xihe… But if we end up together and you don't marry me, wouldn't you lose out?"
Alarmed, I shot him a wary look. "What are you getting at?"
He saw my tension and smiled, reaching out to ruffle my hair. "Don't worry. I wouldn't do anything to hurt you."
I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. "You can't bully me," I warned.
He became suddenly earnest. "I'll only protect you."
Heat climbed my neck again. He took my hand. "Come on. I'll walk you back."
I didn't pull away. We went side by side, and everything about walking with him felt different now. He was quiet, but I could feel him looking at me from time to time.
"Why are you sneaking glances at me?" I asked low.
He cleared his throat. "Just…it feels a little unreal."
We smiled at each other, and a soft sweetness spread through my chest.
Aunt and Uncle were preparing to set out for Chimo; Yuchi had his own affairs to handle and hadn't been able to keep me company much these last few days. One evening Aunt finally had time to speak with me. She talked about what to expect in Chimo—its customs and the preparations we should make. A new place; of course I was eager. As we spoke, she also told me that Father had sent his guards from Dayong and that I would be able to see him once I returned from Chimo. Hearing that made my excitement bloom.
By the time I left Aunt's room the moon was high and peace hung thick in the night. I followed the pebbled path out of her courtyard, wrapped in moonlight, expecting my maid with the lantern to be waiting at the gate. But no one stood there.
I frowned and looked around. No flicker of a lamp, no passing silhouette—perhaps someone else had needed her. I told myself that and went on.
That carelessness almost cost me everything.
At first I only felt a odd unease—no lantern, no patrolling guard. Then, as I passed a fake rock garden, a hand came up over my mouth from behind and began to drag me backward. A shriek lodged in my throat but never escaped; the hand clamped down with a cloth scented faintly of opium. I went rigid, forcing my breath shallow, and lashed out with my elbow. I expected the hard chest of a man—but my elbow struck something soft.
Both of us froze. I twisted free with a frantic tug and turned. The assailant recoiled as well, clutching her own chest with a face pinched in pain and disbelief.
"It's you!" I barked, angry and shocked. The girl standing before me was almost delicate—if not for the malice in her eyes she could have been mistaken for a flower.
She ground her teeth and, deciding there was no time for second thoughts, lunged at me. She knocked me down and pressed a hand to my throat. "It's me—so what?" she hissed. Her grip tightened. "I wanted to make sure you never breathed again. Now…there's no need to be gentle."
Her words were a cold blade against my pulse as the night closed in around us.